Hahahahahahaha!.. ooh... College Kids

When I did an image search for "college" half of the results were porn, so here's a puppy instead.

It might shock some of you to find out that in my college years I was an aloof, bitter sonofabitch with a superiority complex. Sure, the combined frustrations of taking epically pedantic classes with no application to real life and having to work with the Brazil-like bureaucracy of one of the top ten biggest single-campus universities in the United States probably contributed significantly to my consistently foul mood. I can't say how significantly because I barely managed a C- in Statistics with a generous bell curve. What I can say for certain is that my fellow students were the single greatest annoyance on any given day. There's very little about college kids that isn't irritating. They manage to mix a desperate need for approval, an over-eagerness to be adults and a complete lack of responsibility. They're a trifecta of youthful stereotypes.

Since graduating I've found it easier to shrug off the myriad stupidities of college kids, mostly because I don't have to spend very much time around them. When the odd matriculator crosses my path, I more often than not find them amusing, much like toddlers doing grown-up things are amusing. That's why I can't help but crack a knowing smile at Trina Thompson, the recent Monroe College alumna who is suing the institution because she can't get a job.

Baby's first frivolous lawsuit claims that the career center at Monroe College failed in its obligation to proffer Thompson with full-time employment upon her graduation, so the college should have to return Thompson's $70,000 investment in her education plus $2000 for mental anguish. Our litigious heroine has posited herself as a sort of class warrior, only aided by her crappy grammar and idiotic decision to not hire a lawyer to represent her. "They favor more toward students that got a 4.0. They help them more out with the job placement," says Thompson. Well, maybe you can help me more out with the understanding of your suit, Trina. For I, too, would like to know why an institution with 4500 students in the middle of New York City might have trouble finding a full-time job for someone who graduated a whopping three months ago with a stunning 2.7 GPA in the worst US economy since the Great Depression.

In fact, I think I'm gonna sue Ohio State University because, according to Trina Thompson's metric, I should be the CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation and have my own harem of supermodels by now! Enough of this silliness. It's Bloid Bomb time.

Immediate Laugh Factor: 5/10- This is monumentally stupid, sure, but it's also a reminder of the crappiness of our economy and the hopelessness of our future workforce. At best, it'll be a chuckle that devolves into a clipped series of sobs.

Overt Ludicrousness: 4/10- Another stupid person launches another stupid lawsuit they can't possibly win. The only saving grace here is the sheer obliviousness of the grounds.

Depth of Cultural Wound: 2/10- The tender spot in American economic condition has long patched over with rough scar tissue.

Total: 11/30- When Trina Thompson loads this Bloid Bomb into Monroe College's mailbox, her only moment of joy will be a fleeting giggle and then she'll have to deal with the hollowness of having no more means of mischief.