I didn't want to believe that so many ill-advised movies were coming out this summer. I thought maybe a half dozen risible films would hit theaters, make a quick, whorish buck and then slide onto home video for the consumption of idiots and children everywhere. But summer 2010 is nothing short of critical mass for bad movies, almost all of them in the form of sequels, remakes and adaptations. We've already looked at a chunk of the upcoming crimes against cinema. Here's another pile for the bonfire.

Easily the most reliably bad kind of adaptation is the video game movie. I struggle to think of a single one that hasn't been terrible. I'll nod to the relative not-awfulness of the first Tomb Raider movie and maybe Doom deserves some accolades for being clever (and giving work to Rosamund Pike), but neither of those films were actually, ya know, good. So, I don't care that Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time stars Jake Gyllenhaal, an actor who has been in more good movies than bad. The presence of Ben "I Was in Bloodrayne" Kingsley counterbalances any hope that this screen adaptation of a dumbed-down remake of a video game based off of the original story of Aladdin is going to be decent.

It's a damn shame when good actors get attached to projects that will more likely than not suck. Take Marmaduke, an upcoming comedy starring a dog from an unfunny syndicated comic strip. Among the film's human cast is Ron Perlman, Jeremy Piven and Judy Greer, three actors who are reliably entertaining. They also have a habit of being the best part of a bad movie. And make no mistake, Marmaduke is going to be a bad movie. The presence of Owen Wilson minus Wes Anderson guarantees it.

Speaking of famous things missing the one thing that made them good, someone decided to remake The Karate Kid five years after the death of Pat Morita. They've replaced him with Jackie Chan and traded in Ralph Macchio for Jaden Smith. I'm usually more willing to see an adaptation of a movie that was never that good in the first place, but I just can't fathom the depth or nuance one could coax from a "life lessons via dated orientalism" premise.

And while we're on the topic of dated things, The A-Team is getting its own makeover. If it were ten years ago, a star-studded, cheeky, self-referential adaptation of a cheesy TV show would seem like a lot of fun. Unfortunately, it's 2010 so the cast is full of yawn-inducing choices and the idea that the 80's are ironically awesome has worn itself so thin that Keira Knightley is telling it to eat a damn sandwich.

The next Twilight movie is slated for June, which I've come to accept. It's a lot like resigning yourself to the fact that you'll probably catch a cold some time during the winter. Twilight is just an unpleasant part of society now.

There are also a number of movies coming out this summer that probably never should have been given the greenlight. In short order, they are: Avatar: The Last Airbender, which is an anime adaptation begging for title confusion that is directed by M. Night Shyamalan, another movie in the increasingly dire Predator series, the nine-years-on Cats and Dogs sequel that nobody wanted, the next horrible installment of the Meet The Parents/Fockers franchise, and the fourth Resident Evil movie. For that last one I'd say it exists because Milla Jovovich has to eat, but she probably doesn't, so there's really no reason it should have been made.

Have a happy summer, movie-goers. It's gonna be an ugly one.