On Sunday, the 82nd Annual Academy Awards unleashed its usual parade of bizarre clothing choices on the red carpet. Since around the mid 1990's, celebrities have fallen into one of two camps. They've either decided to take the high road and dress like respectable adults for the Oscars, or they've proven that actors are childish attention whores who are happy to make themselves look as ridiculous as possible if it means getting on camera for another few seconds. Here are some of the sights those of us who decided to endure the Oscars experienced last Sunday.

When world-famous chef Wolfgang Puck was asked to prepare actress Cameron Diaz for the red carpet, he was delighted to take on the challenge. He began by procuring a particularly rich bottle of buttermilk from Oregon's beautiful Tillamook region and soaking Ms. Diaz in a chilled bath of it for no less than 48 hours. Puck kept the exact combination of spices infused into the milk a secret, but the keen-eyed observer will detect a sprinkle of nutmeg and shaved truffles. He then prepared a free-range egg wash and rolled Diaz in a perky combination of panko break crumbs, toasted coconut and pulverized almonds. Puck lightly fried Cameron Diaz in hazelnut oil and served her on a bed of mixed greens with a sweet sesame sauce. She was absolutely delicious.

 

 

After an unfortunate run-in with a falling anvil, Up in the Air star Vera Farmiga couldn't help but make accordion noises when she walked down the red carpet.

 

Nicole Richie suffered the consequences of procrastination when she woke up on Sunday morning having yet to purchase a dress for the Oscars. Thinking fast, she tore out a majority of the carpet in her basement den and crafted it into a sort of frock just in time for the pre-awards show.

 

 

 

 

 

Well, Robert Downey Jr. appears to be on drugs again. Good for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was nice to see that Antonio Banderas and his wife Melanie Griffith could make it out to the Oscars to receive their award for Actors Who Have Most Gone To Seed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But many of the celebrity guests at the Oscars weren't there to look awful in public. Some of them were there to gloat.

George Clooney was around to remind everyone that he is still timelessly handsome, fabulously wealthy and currently sharing a bed with a gorgeous Italian woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Ryan Reynolds put on his best tux and smiled to assure us all that he is still married to Scarlett Johansson. This was a significant improvement from previous black tie events when he could be seen laughing his ass off and not giving a damn about even the biggest insults various angry strangers could throw his way.

 

 

 

 

But the big winner of the night was clearly Katheryn Bigelow, who took home Oscars for Best Director and Best Picture for The Hurt Locker. Here she is having a moment of double-fisted vindication fifteen years after Strange Days got robbed by Mel Gibson's Braveheart.