Dr. Drew's New Production Company Set to Square Up Television

Dr. Drew Pinsky has been a regular on American TV ever since his debut on MTV's popular sex advice show Loveline in the mid 1990's. Since then, Dr. Drew has made a name for himself on such illustrious outlets as Celebrity Rehab on VH1 and a continued radio presence where he can further his cause to keep modern people as boring and conformist as possible. Dr. Drew Productions will aim for new reality TV shows that play to Pinsky's strengths, so be on the lookout for Help! I'm Being Exploited By An Entertainment Doctor Because I'm Famous next Fall and maybe even a midseason replacement tentatively titled Eww, Don't Do That, a show dedicated to Dr. Drew advising people to not engage in certain sexual acts because he personally finds them icky.

Christian Conservatives Adopt New "Gay Check" System for Public Figures

The religious Right took two hard hits this past week. Country music star Chely Wright came out as homosexual, making her the first major country musician to admit to the lifestyle. This comes on the heels of Christian musician Jennifer Knapp's own self-identification as a lesbian just two weeks ago. Already reeling, the Conservative movement was knocked even more off-balance when George Rekers, the public face of the vocal anti-gay National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, was caught on an extensive vacation with a male prostitute he contacted through the unambiguous website Rentboy.com. Rekers is certainly not the first anti-gay religious figure to be outed as a self-loathing homosexual and the Church feels that he won't be the last. In light of all these comings out and goings on, The Moral Majority has decided to implement a new screening process for all of the public representatives of the Christian Conservative movement. It will include questions such as, "When did you first realize you were gay?" and "If you were to misappropriate organizational funds for illicit ends, which of the following would you most likely choose?" The new system, dubbed "Gay Check" by some, will be an attempt to help various members of the religious Right better hide their massive hypocrisy from the public.

Outcry Over Sandra Bullock's Black Baby, That Dern Rock and Roll

When actress Sandra Bullock revealed that she had adopted a baby who happens to have black skin, some members of the media and general public voiced their concerns over her decision. The debate sparked a long discussion about other cultural concerns, including the impact transistor radios might have on the ability of young people to pay attention at school as well as the worry that kids today don't appreciate the threat posed by the looming Red Menace.

Demi Lovato Walks Away From Car Wreck Unscathed

17-year-old Disney star Demi Lovato is in good health after she was in a minor car accident on Tuesday morning. She blamed the accident on sleep deprivation, which is a common complaint among other performers in the Disney family. Many stars, like Joe Jonas and Miley Cyrus, have complained in the past about Disney's spontaneous blowout parties where company executives strongly coerce their teen properties into consuming vast amounts of alcohol, cocaine and various aphrodisiacs, only to force them to come into work the next day strung out and, as Lovato discovered, on insufficient sleep. One Disney executive, who asked to remain anonymous, said, "We at Disney have done things a certain way for decades and we're not about to stop now. I think everyone needs to chill out, maybe have some hash and just stop freaking about Demi's little (expletive redacted)-up."