Fantasia on Affair: "I Wanted It More"

American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino has been fighting recent accusations by a woman in North Carolina that the reality show contestant had an affair with her husband, Antwaun Cook, that led to the end of the marriage. Barrino and her manager have launched an extensive PR campaign in defense, though the content of the campaign is a bit non-traditional, at least on Fantasia's side. While her manager has urged her to retract her most recent statements, Fantasia persists in denying that her affair ended the marriage but does not deny that an affair took place. According to Fantasia, she beat out hundreds of other people who hoped to have an affair with Mr. Cook. No news source has yet been able to confirm Barrino's claims that, three months ago, a line of roughly 300 people waited outside the Cook residence, each longing to fulfill his or her dream of having illicit sexual relations with the North Carolina man. After a grueling series of auditions, says Fantasia, she was selected by a panel of colorful judges to be the one who would get to go to bed with Antwaun. "I wanted it hard. I wanted it more than her," Fantasia said in a recent press conference, "If Mrs. Cook had the chops, the judges would have called her name instead."

Edward Norton, Mark Ruffalo Settle Dispute With Gamma Rays

There has been a lot of speculation about the behind-the-scenes drama in the casting process for the upcoming super hero mega-film The Avengers. The actor who most recently played Stan Lee's big, green brute The Hulk, Edward Norton, was effectively fired from the role when Marvel very publicly passed on him in favor of Mark Ruffalo. The two actors allegedly had a scuffle in Los Angeles when Norton got the news and promptly transformed into a large, oddly-colored version of himself, assaulting Ruffalo. Ruffalo, in turn, also similarly transformed, resulting in millions of dollars of damage to property around the greater Los Angeles area. The fight only ended when actor Eric Bana, also massive and monochromatic, launched into the brawl and separated Norton and Ruffalo. The three then entered a nearby drinking establishment and shared a pitcher of beer. According to their respective managers, the dispute will not continue after this traditional male bonding exercise.

Octogenarian Actor Michael Cera on "Scott Pilgrim"

Despite his advanced age, actor Michael Cera was more than happy to accept the role as the youthful protagonist of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Cera, an 83-years-young veteran of World War II and grandfather of seven, has been enjoying the spotlight for a long time now and says that he is just happy he has been able to spend his life entertaining others. "Ever since I saw my first talkie back when I was a kid, I knew I wanted to be in pictures," said Cera between generous pulls from his portable oxygen system. Incidentally, cosmetics companies have been trying for years to unearth Cera's secret for appearing young and vital over his long tenure in the industry. The Ticking Tabloid was no more successful than any of the others. When asked, Cera simply smiled a toothless smile and said, "I guess some of us are just blessed."