Yeah? Well, The King's Name Better Be "Charley"

road trip!

Some of you might have noticed that I'm not the biggest fan of the Republican party. For those of you non-US readers, I'm referring to the stereotypes of Americans who have ignored/insulted/bombed your countries over the past decade. Still, I've developed a sort of Stockholm Syndrome concerning one soon-to-be-ex-governor of Alaska, Sarah "Encyclopedia" Palin. Since American news has recently been saturated with Palin business like New Orleans was saturated with Republican-brand social action in 2005, I wasn't going to comment on her sudden departure from office. But then I read an amazing work of speculative fiction on CNN that inspired me to dive right in.

Ed Homick typed up a piece today trying to convince his readers that Sarah Palin, the most incompetent political figure in America since the spendthrift drag queen Lord Cornbury governed the British colony of New York, is poised to become the next great Republican pundit. "Great"? Probably not. But boy, I sure do hope she tries.

The article echoes a lot of the hilarious concepts that have been buzzing around Palin's faux-glamorous persona ever since McCain lost the election. First in line is the idea of a book deal. Now, I know that most celebrities don't actually write their own books, but I do so dearly hope that Palin indulges that monstrous vanity of hers and actually attempts to write a novel-length work without the help of a ghostwriter. I want this like gentile children want Santa Claus to be real. I want this like furries want an unsupervised night in the zoo with all of the janitor's keys. I want this like Ed Homick wants to be a real journalist.

Just imagine how amazingly incoherent an entire volume of Palin-isms would be. And if Palin got her own TV or radio show, I would tune in for every single episode. It would take at least two years for her to figure out that everyone, even others in the GOP, are laughing at her. The public meltdown would be epic. Over the course of a decade, Sarah Palin would go from Vice Presidential hopeful to bottom-right corner square on a version of Celebrity Squares designed just to keep her on TV until she dies a bloated, terminally medicated mannequin like Anna Nicole.

I don't have many dreams, readers. But if you'll allow me this one indulgence of fantasy... I want to see a three-hour documentary following Sarah Palin and Paris Hilton on a road trip. I don't care where or for what reason. L.A. to Vegas? Sure, great, go for it. Motorcycling across Siberia? Fantastic, total greenlight.

NPR's John Ridley, a man I'm now convinced is the greatest comedian to ever live, said that Sarah Palin is a potential GOP Kingmaker. He imagines a swarm of politicians, pundits and journalists descending on the magical Palin of 2011 begging to know who she wishes to anoint the blessed child of the party. I was gonna make a joke about this, but then I realized that it'd just be funnier to let everyone chew on that fevered fantasy as it stands. Let the age of Sarah Palin: Oblivious Super Star commence.