According to my doctor as of my most recent visit to his practice, I am currently not and have never been a 13-year-old girl. Perhaps this is why I have never understood the appeal of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight books or their movie adaptations. What's truly baffling, though, is that I can't even begin to wrap my mind around the pop culture frenzy that has washed over our nation about the series and remained for years. I'm not some closed-minded hipster who is blind to the appeal of things I personally don't enjoy. For example, I don't give a toss about Miley Cyrus or her Hannah Montana character, but I totally get why my 5-year-old niece is enamored with her. I'd also never put spinning rims on my car, though some part of me can sympathize with the desire to do so. After all, spinnas are shiny and toy-like. As a former child, I can see why someone would be compelled to attach them to his or her vehicle unironically. But the appeal of Twilight completely escapes me. Let's break this down, shall we?